Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Homesick.

So obviously this has nothing to do with my weight but I'm homesick :( -- I go to school in Southern California but I'm really from Northern California and I am really ready for a break from school and my roommates. Someone remind me why I decided to live with 3 other women?? Please??? Hanging on to my sanity is a daily occupation :| I find myself becoming annoyed with people because they are there and not because of anything they have done. Or things that didn't use to bother me too much (people taking a crappy tone with me because they are stressed or having a bad day or when my actual roommate hogs the bathroom at all times of the day) are driving me NUTS! I want to get out of this friggen apartment before I strangle someone. Me and my immediate roommate have had issues before (this is when we didn't even live with one another)so I am just trying to make it through this year drama free but I really need a break from her before I strangle her as she snores up a storm in the middle of the night! Sigh...I wish I could just go home to MY house and be with my grandparents...in my home....in my room...my bed....my bathroom....where I could kiss and hug them goodnight EVERY night instead of saying it over the phone (I was basically raised by them so I love them TO DEATH). I know I am feeling like this because I am getting so close to graduating but sometimes I feel so over it all, like when will this whole undergrad thing be over? But I know deep down I'll miss it.

So as for weight things are going pretty good. I have been to the gym everyday this week and I have been hitting my calorie burn and my soreness has even gone away so my workouts aren't so painful anymore. My eating has been pretty good -- I've been planning my cheat meals in advance and its only a MEAL rather than a cheat day. Last week I had nachos at a basketball game and this week I am visiting my sister in Los Angeles so we are going to get a cheeseburger and fries and I'm having a cupcake!! I am super excited because I haven't had any form of sweets in almost two week so this will be a nice treat. I am bringing my workout clothes so we can get in some form of exercise while I'm there and I am hitting the gym everyday until Friday to make sure that I stay on track. I really hope I'm losing weight. I mean I'm doing everything that I promised I would do and I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job at it but my fear is I'll get on the scale and I'll only have lost like 1 pound or something. REALLY hope that doesn't happen. If so I guess I am just stuck at this size because there is nothing more than I can do. I have gone to gym everyday since Friday last week, I mean I have been on my GRIND so math-wise this just has to work. I've been trying to look at my body and I know I am being impatient because I want to see instant change....I get disappointed because my stomach feels like it looks just as big and my clothes basically feel the same but granted it has only been like a week and half and in another 2 and 1/2 I will probably look and feel a little different than I do now but its hard when you feel like you've been trying to lose weight all your life. I am so tired of my whole life revolving around weight loss....its mentally exhausting. I will stay motivated though because I am so anxious to finally weigh myself on the 24th (by then it will have been about 3 and a half weeks) to see if I have broken back into the 140s (somewhere I haven't been since my sophomore year of high school). Keepin my fingers crossed...

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