So now comes the time where I need to be taken out back and shot! Where have I been? Where the hell have I been? I don't even know. A quick update will tell you that I weigh around 156, 157. Not awful but when you look and see that my last weight was 155 in October and the fact that I still haven't lost any weight since then is a bit depressing. Hell I am ALMOST happy with one 156ish because over my winter vacation I gained back to 160 (or 162 according to the scale at my doctor's office) and when I got back to school in mid-January I was so enthused to start anew! I was eating out way too much last semester and never really got focused about my goals as I got closer to winter break. Imagine my shock when into mid-feb I had only lost TWO friggen pounds! TWO! Now take into account that I was doing things that I rarely do. I was exercising 4 days a week for at least an hour, I was using portion control, food moderation, stopping when I was full...I wasn't even becoming a slave to the scale and I wasn't losing weight. After becoming frustrated and having a mini meltdown I decided to get back on the Suzanne Somers diet that I had done over the summer. And I did it for 4 days and was already back to 155....154.5 even!! But then I went to visit my cousin in college for a family weekend and I ate non STOP. No surprise I get back and the scale says 160 :( So I decide to get right back on the diet....well not right back....I had a pity party for two days and then got back on but I got back to around 156, 157 but something about me still feels unsettled. I mean the diet bores me I've been eating the same 3 food off and on for two weeks and its killing me. I know I am just setting myself up for sabotage because my boredom with the food makes it feel like I have excuse to eat off the plan. (As I sit guilty after consuming my 1230 calories Rubios quesadilla). Why the hell can't I get it together? I have two and a half months until my graduation, this is like my ULTIMATE time to shine. I mean it is so important to me and I want nothing more than to weigh 135 pounds by that time but I am starting to feel so far away and part of me is feeling like the only way for me to lose weight is to do this Suzanne Somers thing because when I tried it my way (and believe me I tried) it DIDN'T work. I am ashamed to say that it actually scared me a little because usually I will half ass on eating healthy and exercising and so I when I don't lose weight I know it because I wasn't giving it 100% but this time I really was. Sigh I dont know but I need to take a look at the situation and evaluate it quickly because I'm running out of time and I refuse to miss another deadline. I know that for the rest of my life I will NEVER stop trying to lose weight so thats why I want to go ahead and do the damn thing because I will never be happy until I do. I intend to write on my blog A LOT more frequently because I need to be held accountable and it feels really good to talk to people who know what I'm feeling.
And like I said....I'm not giving up. Not ever....hopefully tomorrow will offer up some enlightenment.
No comments:
Post a Comment